Hi, I'm Keith Lemon. Check out my new sweet-arse titles.
You are probably thinking, "What the fuck is going on?"
But don't worry, it's just another over elaborate metaphor
for how totally rad this show is.
Look, there is Holly Willoughboozy
firing space lasers from her massive tits.
And there's Fearne Cotton riding a giant cock-shaped spaceship.
There's Gino D'Acampo firing doughballs.
Here we are taking a selfie. Online presence!
Phew, we made it to the studio just in time
for the best telly show on telly. What is it?
It's Celebrity Juice on telly.
Not 3-D. I fucking wish it was, though.
(CHEERING)
For Subtitling Services, contatct: waqas.zahoor89@gmail.com https://goo.gl/r74pnT
I missed it!
Hoo-rah!
Hi, I'm Keith Lemon and welcome to Celebrity Juice.
It's a special Celebrity Juice because I do indeed have a co-host.
What's your name and where do you come from?
My name is Fearne Cotton and I'm from London town.
From London town, what a wanker!
Can I take this off now? Take the hat off.
That was the initiation process. Wear a hat.
I look like a big pink penis.
OK, without further ado, let's meet our team captains. Fearne Cotton?
On our right, we have the wonderful Holly Willoughboozy!
Hi. (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
This is so weird.
I know, but it's weirder for me.
But I like it. If Phil and I are ever ill or on holiday,
this could be the new This Morning, actually.
Holly, who is on your team?
On my right, he's one of my favourite all-time people,
it's Paddy McGuinness!
(CHEERING)
And on my left, they drive the girls mad.
From The Vamps, it's Connor and Brad.
(CHEERING)
The boys.
Let's meet our other team captain. Filling in for Fearne Cotton,
it's none other than Gino Sheffield D'Acampo!
(AUDIENCE CHANTING) Gino! Gino! Gino! Gino!
Gino, who's on your team?
Which is it? Camera number four? Oh, every time!
It's so easy. Look at the camera and say who's on your team.
Come on. Good luck, Gino!
On my left, if you close your eyes and you hear him laughing,
it sounds like a seal who's taken it up the arse.
It's Jimmy Carr!
(APPLAUSE) It's true. It's true.
On my right, she apparently likes to give big heads...
Hold on, let me see.
No, it's the presenter of Big Heads,
Jenny Powell and Kriss Aka... Aka...
Akabusi!
Kriss Akabusi!
Gino, I absolutely love you, but you are such a prick.
It's Brad and Connor from The Vamps!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
You are 50% of one of the biggest boy bands in Britain right now.
Where is the other 50%? Have they been banished to the bedroom
and not allowed out at this time of night?
Yeah, it is too late for them now.
Are they the non-fun ones?
Yeah, they're boring.
Are you going to get new ones in then, that are exciting and fun?
That like to get their cocks out and wank themselves.
When I was a kid at your age and in the school holidays in summer,
I wanked so hard into a bin liner, my cock were like a spike.
Literally -
When I was your age, I had a sock called The Dreamcatcher!
(APPLAUSE)
No offence to you boys, but it looks like... (LAUGHTER)
Thanks, Paddy, just got that, did you?
I was laughing because I've still got it.
Obviously, you are in a very successful band doing terrifically.
But it looks like Jenny Powell couldn't get a sitter.
She could maybe be our sister. Aw.
Your sister that you wanna fuck, yeah?
Jenny, I used to masturbate to you when you were on No Limit so hard,
I could power wash my patio.
Projectile. I'm not joking.
Anyway, back to nice questions not about wanking and patios, etc.
Oh, you wank like a lunatic.
Your new single, chaps, what's the message?
It's about calling your ex
when you get a bit too drunk in the middle of the night.
And, yeah, that's basically it.
I'm sure everyone in the room's been there.
That's the story, though. What's the message?
The message? Mm.
Behind Middle of the Night?
Have a good time, really. That's it.
That's a synopsis, isn't it? That is a synopsis.
JIMMY: Is it a booty call in the middle of the night?
Is it a text saying "you up?" And a picture of an aubergine? One of those?
It's down to interpretation, really.
That is the interpretation.
We are going to leave that to you to figure out.
That's the vibe.
Brad and Connor, do you have any odd rituals before you go on stage?
We rub our chins together. That is very strange.
What about another ritual that you do?
The old SB? Oh, yeah, I've heard about this one.
The SB?
What's that? We know their tour manager.
He's told us that before they go on stage,
they like to have a game of soggy biscuit.
Here it is.
We have one of the soggy biscuits.
It's dripping. It's dripping.
We have got one of the soggy biscuits you've played with.
You can get a point for your team if you take a bite of the soggy biscuit.
I really don't want to have a bite of that. No?
Before you go any further, before we came on tonight,
Kriss said he'd never seen this show!
Here we go, jizz on a biscuit.
AUDIENCE: OH!
A point for your team,
anyone on Holly's team, have a bite of the biscuit. Just a little nibble.
Have you actually gone fucking mad?
I will give you two. I will give you two points.
(SQUEALING)
I can't let Holly eat that. It's like a spunk pool.
I can't let you eat that.
(CHEERING)
It's Jenny P and Aki B in the hizz-oos!
It's Jenny Powell and Kriss Akabusi!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
You've never seen Celebrity Juice ever? I've never seen it in my life.
Now I've seen it, I'm going to sack my PR team.
As if you've got a PR team.
Obviously not.
Guys, you are currently presenting ITV Big Heads.
Look at you, presenting.
You asked me to do it, that's what I'm doing.
Alongside Jason Manford.
Jenny, what is the message?
It's a bit like It's A Knockout, but people have got big heads on.
It's all about fun, about action, about getting sorted.
It's Keystone Cops, Gladiators.
Connor and Brad, are you thinking, "Who the fuck are these two?"
Olympians. We know they're Olympians.
All right, fellas.
Let's have a look at your sporting glory right here.
Here is a picture of you back in the day.
Let's have a look at you getting ready for a race.
Holy shitballs!
Oh!
Is that Kermit the Frog wearing a Red Nose Day nose?
Now I know why he's on Big Head!
How do I do that impression of Paddy again?
You've got to remind me.
I can't do it.
(GROWLS) "What's it about?!"
Not what. The word "what" doesn't exist in his vocabulary.
Right. It's sita-boot.
Sita-boot! Now then, Floren.
What? Now then, Floren.
Who's Floren? I haven't got a fucking clue what he's talking about.
"What sita-boot?" Sira-boot.
Sira-boot!
It's Paddy McGuinness!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Sira-boot!
I never said that.
You say that.
I don't say "sira-boot!"
"Sira-boot, there, with him." I said "what's that about?"
"75 pence for a piss in London! Sira-boot?!"
Last time you were on, Pads,
you were filling in for Holly and were team captain.
But this time, you're a guest with something to promote.
We got a new show out, me and himself over there.
The Keith & Paddy Picture Show starts this Saturday.
Tell us about it.
Do you want to go over there and I will chat to you like you're a guest?
Like a guest? I've always wanted to be a guest on this programme.
(APPLAUSE) You pop over there.
Keith and Paddy, what is your new show about? What's the message?
The message is basically we got together as two boys
who had a dream of being in films, so we made five classic remakes
of some classic movies, including Dirty Dancing, starting on Saturday
at 9:15 on ITV1 straight after Britain's Got Talent.
Are you remaking the movies?
We have done a half hour version of each film.
Who plays Baby?
Me.
Jimmy, when you see him as Baby, The Dreamcatcher will be out, my friend.
There we are.
Oh, my God. Do you kiss?
We fuck right to the hinge end.
You pair of mother-pluggers, great, we'll watch it.
Come and sit back down. We've had enough now.
Word.
Jimmy, everyone else has been here promoting things.
Have you anything you'd like to promote?
I've got a new sketch show on ITV2
where I take different films every week...
..and I basically play dress-up just like a child.
Somehow, that's enough.
It isn't a sketch show. I told you, Jimmy.
It's not a sketch show. It's a loving homage.
It's a full movie in half an hour? What other movies are you doing?
You are doing Dirty Dancing first. Jaws.
I'm Richard Dreyfus.
That is amazing.
How long did it take to get into shape for that? You look amazing.
You can't come on a show and just promote anything you want.
I never promote the fact that I'm on tour right now.
So, to avoid disappointment, don't forget to not book tickets.
Otherwise you might end up going,
and I can't imagine what he does for two hours!
Jimmy, I'm going to do a slick Jamie Theakston link now.
Haven't you got a new show out soon about faces?
Yes, I do have a new show about faces.
What's it entitled? Your Face or Mine.
And when is it on? May 17. Comedy Central.
Congratulations.
(APPLAUSE) And my book is out next week.
We don't care.
AUDIENCE: Gino! Gino! Gino! Gino!
Don't encourage him.
He hasn't written a book, he's read a book.
It is due back in the library next week.
Patrick, last time you were on the show,
you broke the record for the Ding-a-ling-dong-a-long-a-thon. I did.
I got a letter last night sent to my house, Paddy. Let me read it to you.
"Dear Celebrity Juice, I'm writing to inform you
that Mr Patrick McGuinness broke ICCS competition rules.
On inspection of the official footage,
it is clear that the pole did not travel the necessary 60 degrees
from the perpendicular between each ding.
The ICCS has no choice
but to discount Mr McGuinness's world record attempt
and also ban him from the competing sport
for a minimum of 12 months.
Our thanks go to Mr Hadley
for bringing this matter to our attention.
Cheats never prosper."
No one told me. I didn't know you had to go down or anything like that.
"Sira-boot?"
Well, we do have an Olympic medallist here tonight.
Let's see how well they do as we play...
(CHEERING)
Hello and welcome to the Ding-a-ling-a-dong-a-long-a-thon.
As you can see, we've got Kriss Akabusi.
I saw the photo of you in that unitard.
Do you need the metal thing?
Hey!
I'm just saying.
Do you want to chalk your rod? You can chalk my rod, fella.
(CHEERING)
I will chalk your rod.
Oh, baby!
Hey! Hey!
You have got to wait for the beeps, and then you may begin.
Are you ready? Yes, ma'am.
(BEEPS)
Go!
(CHEERING)
It's an Olympic legend!
Come on! Don't stop.
(BUZZER)
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
He has bent the rod!
Kriss, did you feel confident? Yes.
Did you enjoy yourself? Loved every minute of it.
Your poor wife!
Let's find out how many times you dinged the dong.
Your total is 36.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Let's see a slo-mo of you in action.
Have that!
(LAUGHTER)
Kriss Akabusi, everyone!
Next up, it's Brad and Connor from The Vamps!
Hey, it's Brad and Connor from The Vamps.
They are doing it together because they are not old enough yet.
They are helping each other out.
Brad and Connor, you know how to play this.
Try not to have too much fun behind.
Do you want to chalk up? Does anyone else want to?
Jimmy, you can.
I'm very happy to.
This has got to be the worst advert for Grindr ever.
It looks like you fucked him so hard you went straight through.
30 seconds, as many whacks as you can achieve.
Go when you hear the beeps.
And just enjoy yourself.
There you go.
(CHEERING)
(LAUGHTER)
Keep going.
Keep your hands on.
(BUZZER)
Did you get some in Connor's eye?
Sometimes that can happen. It's OK.
Let's have a look at an action replay.
Look how happy you are.
Two young guys exploring each other's bodies.
It's like junior Brokeback Mountain.
You have got yourself 22 dings.
(APPLAUSE)
Let's look at the leader board.
Jimmy Carr and Tony Hadley at the top with 51.
The scores at the end of that round are... SHA-TING!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Well, Fearne, I don't know if you need a wee,
but I need a wee, so see you after the ad break. In a bit!
Coming up after the break...
(APPLAUSE)
Hurrah!
Welcome back to Celebrity Juice.
Do you know who I saw at a Kasabian gig the other night?
Neil Buchanan from Art Attack? No.
One of your other friends. It was Stephen Hawking.
Yeah. Stephen Hawking?
He loves Kasabian.
And also, he really wants us to play the Theory of Anything again.
I love that game. I love that game!
Let's play...
(APPLAUSE)
Here we are in the science lab of the 1984 movie The Ghostbusters.
This is where Egon Spengler and the rest of the posse
would trap the ghost in here...
(PHONE RINGS)
Oh, that's probably Stephen Hawking.
We got one!
Hello, Steve?
Yes? Wassup?
All right, Steve? Yeah, yeah, boi!
Stephen, you know when we were at that Kasabian gig the other night
and we were coming up with experiments?
What was the first one you would like us to do?
Who would you like to take part in this experiment?
Brad from the Vamps. Brad from the Vamps?
Good choice. Catch you later.
Brad from The Vamps, everyone!
This is one of the experiments that Stephen Hawking and I
came up with at a Kasabian gig.
All you need to do is eat quiche Lorraine through a tennis racket.
But is it possible to do it? That's the experiment.
Do you like quiche? I'm not the biggest fan of quiche.
Right! (LAUGHTER)
Good stuff. Wait for the sign of the ghost.
Go!
Get stuck in, get stuck in!
He is loving it!
Push it through!
Eat it, eat it!
AUDIENCE: Eat it, eat it!
(GHOST SCREECHES)
What's Stephen saying?
Stephen, you still there? I'm here.
OK, what do we think of that?
Because that's really only a third of a quiche there, mate, isn't it?
He's passed.
He's passed!
That's a point for your team! Brad from the Vamps, everyone!
Thank you.
You can keep it as a souvenir. I'm all right.
Who wants some quiche?
AUDIENCE: Yeah!
(SCREAMS)
"I got quiched in me face!"
"Quiche me!"
What's the next experiment, Fearne?
I don't know, Stephen hasn't called me back.
(PHONE RINGS) There he is.
Hey, Steve. I'm here.
Steve, before we go onto the next experiment,
can I ask you one question?
Are you really friends with Jimmy Carr?
No. He looks like a ventriloquist doll
and laughs like a seal.
(LAUGHTER)
Stevie, baby, what's the next experiment we're gonna do?
(LAUGHTER)
Let me clarify, did you say,
'is it possible to make a sandwich IN a human arse?'
Yes, I studied black holes for some time.
And who would you like to take part in this experiment?
Jimmy. Gino D'Acampo.
For fuck's sake!
AUDIENCE: Gino, Gino, Gino!
It's Gino D'Acampo!
I'm not happy about this. I am.
(PHONE RINGS) I'm over the moon.
Phone again! What could it be, Gino?
Stephen? And Jimmy Carr should be his sous chef.
There we go, Jimmy Carr is your sous chef. Oh, right!
Come on in. So do I need to do a sandwich in your bum?
I don't know. Fearne, jump onto the table.
It's not my arse. I think it's just a generic man.
And where do you put a generic man's arse?
Of course, in the ghost container here, don't you?
Let's meet the arse that you will be making a sandwich upon.
It's super fucking real.
Let's meet the arse and see what it's about.
So... what's your name and where do you come from?
(FARTS)
So... So, Jimmy...
I don't feel...
I feel like you've hit a new low...
that I didn't think was possible.
Don't blame me, it's your mate Stephen Hawking
who tells us what to do.
So you just need to think of it as one of your lovely ciabattas
in your restaurant. There you go.
Is there an allotted time or do they just get to go as long as they want?
Just have to make the perfect sandwich, Keith.
Just the perfect sandwich.
Decorate it, don't rush...
Is it possible? Is it possible?
What do you mean?
It's a science experiment, isn't it?
I think it can be done. Let's see.
Teamwork.
Wait for the noise. Wait for the siren to go!
Go. There is no blade.
You ready? Yeah.
One, two, three, let's do it.
Make sure it is not too fatty.
(AUDIENCE SCREAMING) It went in, it went in!
(SCREAMS) It went in, it went in!
AUDIENCE: Gino, Gino, Gino!
A little bit of mayonnaise and then we stuff it in.
The mayonnaise goes in there. Put some egg in there.
Lettuce.
Lettuce, here we go.
Here is a piece of lettuce. Let's get it in there.
Lettuce and tomato!
Fucker.
Gino, is this going on your menu?
This is a super healthy suppository, OK?
"It's a sandwich like my mamma used to make!"
Close the sandwich!
It's OK, we have still got most of it in there.
Gino, don't you always say everything needs salt and pepper?
Yeah, salt and pepper.
What the fuck?
Remember, anybody watching at home, this is for science. Yeah.
Is it biology?
Yeah, that looks nice.
Gino's arse crack.
(GHOST SCREECHES)
(APPLAUSE)
AUDIENCE: Gino, Gino, Gino!
Is Stephen happy with the sandwich?
Yes, I'm delighted.
YES!
One point. Yay! One point (!)
And the scores at the end of that round are...
ALL: Sha-ting!
There is a break. Oh, right, link to break.
Gino and I need some therapy now.
So we will take five minutes, see you after the break.
(APPLAUSE)
Coming up...
Hurrah! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
You've just started a world tour.
Where did it kick-off? Sheffield.
Ah! Gino! That's where he's from.
You have also been sharing some tour dates with Little Mix?
We are about to. Which one did you bang? (LAUGHTER)
We are very good friends with all of them. They are very lovely girls.
Yes, it's quick innit, until you're friends with them till afterwards?
It means you are growing as a man.
If you are friends afterwards like us two. Very mature.
That didn't happen. We are not friends.
(LAUGHTER)
Is there no circumstance in which you would?
Absolutely no circumstance in the universe that would happen.
Come on. I mean if we were both single.
If I'm going to do it, I'm going to get paid.
Fucking a ginger guy's charity anyway, isn't it?
(LAUGHTER)
Let's talk about touring. You have been touring with Taylor Swift.
Is that correct? A couple of years ago. We supported her in London.
Which one of you had an accident on this Taylor Swift tour?
A little one. I sort of walked off the end of the stage.
(LAUGHTER)
I wish they had a clip of this. It would be lovely.
Have we got a clip of it? No.
The band won't let us clear it.
Hey, fuck the band. Let's have a look.
(MUSIC)
(LAUGHTER)
Have we got it in slow-mo?
There he goes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. (SCREAMS)
You leave one of your legs behind. Holy shit balls.
Anyway, now it's time to play...
(APPLAUSE)
Hi, my name is Keith Lemon. What's your name? Fearne.
And welcome to 5 Second Fool Extreme.
It's simple. It's five seconds, three answers, one question.
That's extreme. You know why it's extreme?
Because of that fricking chair.
Because of the fricking chair.
Kriss, how are you feeling? (MOANS)
Are you excited? Yes, I'm loving it. I'm LOVING IT! COME ON!
(APPLAUSE)
I'm going to turn you on. Enjoy yourself. It's a ride. (LAUGHS)
(LAUGHS) Are you ready? Yeah, baby. Whoo, yeah!
Kriss, name three things you can do with a snail.
Eat it, paint it, crush it.
So positive about the crush.
Please name three stains you might find in your bed.
Wee-wee, semen stains...
(APPLAUSE) We are out of time.
Three things you can wake your nan up with.
Er... Newspaper, farting...
Farting?
(LAUGHTER)
Ladies and gentlemen, Kriss Akabusi.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Next up, it's Holly Willough-boozie!
(APPLAUSE)
Oh, my God. Well, this is a little treat for the teenage boys watching.
(WOLF WHISTLES) That was so loud.
If you are 16 and your mum and dad have gone out,
grab yourself some tissues, this is my gift to you from me.
This is going to be like a beautiful mermaid on a washing machine.
It's going to be like a sexy disco. (GRUFFLY) Sexy disco.
Is it better feet down or feet up? Oh, down.
Holly, I'll just turn you on. (LAUGHTER)
Holly, three things that make you wet.
A shower, a wash and the sea.
Yes. (APPLAUSE)
Three things you can do in a room by yourself.
You can read, watch telly and you can go to sleep.
(LAUGHTER)
Naughty thoughts, naughty thoughts.
Three things you can gargle.
Mouthwash, lemonade and you can gargle spunk. (LAUGHTER)
Is that what you wanted to hear? Holly Willoughby, everyone!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
(LAUGHS) You can gargle spunk, you dirty bitch!
(LAUGHTER)
I knew you were going to keep me on that bloody chair.
Next up, it's Jimmy Carr! (APPLAUSE)
I'm pretty excited about this. It's already good.
It hasn't started yet. You ready? Whoa! Ah!
Jimmy, are you ready? Jesus!
One question, five seconds, three answers.
Three things that can cost more than a tenner.
A bottle of wine, meal out and Gino's virginity.
(LAUGHTER)
Three things that you can blow.
Kriss Akabusi, and the Vamps. (LAUGHTER)
I mean, you've got to ask them nicely. All right, boys?
Three things you can fit up your arse!
These three fingers.
Jimmy Carr, everyone! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Next up, it's Patrick McGuinness. (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
It really does spin. Are you ready, Patrick?
I will turn you on.
Oh, hello. And he's off. You've got it faster.
You are taking the piss.
Three things you can use instead of a shoe.
What? Three things you can use instead of a shoe.
What's that? What kind of question is that?
Three television programmes that are on ITV1 on a Saturday night.
The Keith & Paddy Picture Show, Take Me Out and Britain's Got Talent.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Three things that leak residue.
Oh, God. A tap, a garden hose and a badger's willy.
Paddy McGuinness, everyone! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
That's the end of Five Second Fool Xtreme!
It's time now for an oldie but Goldie.
It used to be called In Your Face,
but because of Brexit, we've renamed it to The Incredible Hulk's Arsehole.
So let's play...
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
It's a simple game. We will put your head
through the Incredible Hulk's arsehole,
then we will transport your head magically
onto another celebrity's body,
and you have to guess who you are by simply asking questions
to your teammates.
First up to play is none other than Jenny.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
We will transport your head onto another celebrity's body... now!
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
Am I an animal? I'm an animal? Am I a female animal? No.
Do I have horns? No.
(LAUGHTER)
Sometimes when you like a lady, you get the horn. (LAUGHTER)
Is it Donald Trump? No. It's a different kind of dick.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Am I dark-haired? Yes! (LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
Do I make animal noises? Yes.
Are those animal noises... (RASPBERRY)
Depends where you put it. Am I a sportsman?
A bit right. What is this kind of "bit of"? "Bit right"?
Am I or aren't I? Yes, yes, yes!
I'm a hairy animal sportsman who doesn't go...
(RASPBERRY)
Lower, lower? Am I a hurdler?
You are actually in danger of hitting a hurdle.
I'm not you, am I, Kriss? Yes! You are a part of me!
Not technically correct.
I am the knob that is Kriss. YES!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Next up, it's Jimmy Carr! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
(LAUGHTER)
Are you ready? Yes. Then I will magically transport your head
onto another celebrity's head now.
(LAUGHTER)
Am I a man or a woman? We can only say yes or no. No.
Am I a man? Yes.
Am I British? No. Think of all the bad men.
Chairman Mao! (JEERING)
(LAUGHTER)
Am I alive? Yes. Am I Kim Jong Un?
Yes! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
You know what, I will nuke the lot of you.
Tell you what, I look all right with a flat top.
(LAUGHTER)
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Jimmy Carr, everyone! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Next up, it's the Vamps! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Right, Vamps, are you ready? Absolutely, mate.
We will transport your heads onto another celebrity's body now.
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
You can only answer yes or no.
Are we male? No.
Are we part of one human? Yes. Yes.
So the both of us are connected. Connected.
Oh, yes. You are. We are not a pair of balls, are we?
No. Are we an actor?
You starred in something that people have watched.
Yes or no, yes or no. No.
Think outside the box. Well, on the back of the box.
(LAUGHTER)
You are not a million miles away.
Are we on the beach? Yes. Are we Kim Kardashian's...?
(APPLAUSE)
Wow.
Well done, everyone. And the scores at the end of that round are...
Sha-ting!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
I know I say it in jest,
but I really need a wee, so I'll see you in three!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Coming up after t'break...
Hello and welcome back to Celebrity Juice!
Gino's team, you having a good time?
Yes!
Holly's team, you having a good time?
Audience, you having a good time?
(CHEERING)
I just want to say, before we go any further,
it's lovely to see Jenny Powell today.
I always wanted you on Celebrity Juice so we could rekindle our friendship.
We know each other from back in the day.
Remember when we did a cheeky tape together?
I made a sex tape with Jenny Powell.
You didn't. I did. When?
We haven't got it! We have got it!
Oh, no!
Oh!
Dunk it in the bucket.
Oh, that's cold!
Cramp, I've got cramp!
Good day to you, ma'am.
We were just exploring each other. We could see that.
It's just a bit of fun between friends.
I'm not putting your dick in a bucket of ice.
It is all to play for in our final round, The Buzzer Round.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Buzz if you know the answer. If you don't know the answer...
Be a chancer!
OK. Holly, what's your buzzer this week?
"You got any pubes yet?"
Gino's team, what's your buzzer this week?
"I'm a slimy Italian bastard!"
OK, you ready?
What have Cheryl and Liam reportedly called their baby?
"It's fantastico, I like it!"
Gino's team?
The surname is Payne. Is it Wayne Payne?
That would be so good. It was Bear. That's correct!
Why is Brad looking so pleased with himself in this picture?
"Have you ever seen any tits? Bare tits, without the bra?"
Has he just found out the paper round's been cancelled?
"You got hairs on your bum?"
"Has a girl ever put her finger up your bum?"
Oh, my God.
It's kind of what's going on in this photo.
It is a big pile on, isn't it?
Let's have a look.
Correct.
Buzz in when Kriss Akabusi's forehead stops.
It goes on for miles.
"Have you ever pulled your willy
and white stuff comes out and it feels really good?"
There?
Let's have a look.
Still open to Gino's team.
What's this noise?
(GRUNTING)
Is that Paddy on the chair?
"My dad's got a porno. You should come round."
Is it me? Let's have a look.
(GRUNTING)
How did This Morning leave viewers wanting to throw up this week?
"I thought I was gonna wee and when I got down it was thick wee."
Holly's team.
Because we had an item on how there were health benefits
to eating your own bogies.
That is correct.
(BUZZER)
There is the buzzer.
That's it for this week's Celebrity Juice
with me, Keith Lemon, and Fearne Cotton.
Fearne Cotton. See, say your name.
I just did.
Is this going to happen again, you two presenting the show?
Probably, because we are so shit-hot, Gino.
Do you know what that G stands for?
Gino. Get fucked.
And the winner of this week's Celebrity Juice is...
(DRUMROLL) Can we have a drumroll, please? Well, we're having one.
It's Gino's team!
(CHANTING 'GINO, GINO')
I've been Keith Lemon. I've been Fearne Cotton.
If I don't see you through t'week... I'll see you through the window. Let's dance!
# HANSON: MMMBop
For Subtitling Services, contatct: waqas.zahoor89@gmail.com https://goo.gl/r74pnT